Relationships don’t go bad overnight. There are subtle and destructive behaviour patterns which erode the bond between spouses or partners. These toxic attitudes can turn a fairytale relationship into an MMA Super Fight.

But not all is lost. When particular destructive patterns of behaviour are identified and addressed, a relationship on life support can become healthy again.

Know how to identify these 3 things that might be killing your relationship, so you can catch trouble before it starts.

1. Mind reading

The easiest way to set a relationship on a death spiral is to play armchair psychic. Mind reading takes a posture of assumption instead of listening, judgment instead of compassion.

When we try and read the thoughts, motives, and intentions of another person, their voice is taken away. It dehumanizes the partner and does not give them room for explanation. We all struggle with this one because it’s easier to play “mind reader” than listen to your partner.

If you say, “I know why you did this…” there’s a possibility mind reading has entered the relationship.

2. Control

The desire to control your partner, is rooted in fear and insecurity. A controlling attitude has more to do with us, and less with the partner.

When control enters a relationship, an underlying fear is buzzing behind the surface. It may be fear of not knowing the future. Fear of abandonment. Fear of being seen as a terrible spouse.

Until we get a handle on our own insecurities the partner will suffer.

If we constantly say “Don’t do that,” or “Stop doing this,” we might be a control freak.

3. Routine

All relationships get stale. When partners get comfortable with one another they stop doing the little things. Boredom and disinterest set in.

But this is normal. It just means we need to mix it up. Maybe we need a new routine. A date night every Friday night. A vacation to an exotic locale. Taking up a hobby together. Or finding different ways to communicate with one another.

Routine doesn’t need to have the last say in a relationship. Identify it. Mix it up. Watch your relationship come back to life.

source:entrepreneur.co.za