this article first appeared on themuse
At some point during the week, it’s going to happen. It might come from that one negative team member or that awful (but deep-pocketed) client, but someone is going to march into your once-tranquil world and do something that really, really gets your blood boiling.
1. Inform
The first step is to simply inform the person how he or she has offended you while keeping your voice even and neutral. For example : “Do you realize you’re yelling at me?” or “Do you realize you’re 15 minutes late?” For many people, this one step will get you pretty far. If the person quickly realizes his or her error and apologizes, you can pretty much stop here. The observant ones will even file this knowledge away and learn from the experience.
2. Request
Of course, there are the repeat offenders or the ones who can’t catch a hint. If the person starts acting defensive or angry, make a specific request next. Something like, “Can I request that you lower your voice?” or “I’d like to make a request that, in the future, you respect my time,” is considerate—but shows that you’re serious.
3. Insist
Stage three is when you introduce an actual consequence. This is for serial offenders or people who continue to escalate the situation despite informing or requesting. The consequence that Miedaner uses is getting up and leaving: For example, “If you do not lower your voice, I will leave,” or “Next time, I will wait 10 minutes and if you do not show up by then, I will leave.”
4. Leave
As a last resort, you have to actually follow through on the consequence you’ve introduced and leave. Some situations (and people) are easier to walk away from than others, but not setting the boundaries allows for difficult situations to continue creeping into your work. So, when the time comes, you have to leave. Make sure that you clearly explain that you welcome contact again once the behavior is corrected, then go.
This kind of thing is never easy, but following Miedaner’s steps gives you a strategy for dealing and, with any luck, a chance that the expectation is now in place to prevent difficult situations in the future.