Long-term relationships can be gloriously happy. But often they are not.
Men in particular feel that women don’t understand what it feels like to be a man – and so there is a whole lot of stuff that men wish women knew about them …
… Like a man’s life is dominated by the need to win – in the world of men.
OK, many women are competitive, and many of them work with men, but it is still hard for a woman to understand just how important winning is to a man.
Why’s that? Ultimately it’s because women are only interested in successful men.
Think what you find attractive in a man. Tall, kind and handsome, but the real turn-on is seeing how other men treat him. You are drawn to the man who is respected by other men; who is succeeding socially and in his job or business. And men know that, so they compete to succeed.
Jostle for positions
It’s also why men feel such a powerful need to spend time with other men. Their working and social lives are all about creating the winners and losers that women see. So they jostle for positions at the slightest opportunity.
Listen to a bunch of guys in a bar – there’s always a sharp edge to their conversation. Every comment has the hidden meaning: “I’m better than you!”
It’s also why men are reluctant to admit any sort of weakness. If something is wrong, they’d rather go off quietly and think it over first. So if you want your guy to talk about something, then give him plenty of warning.
Men really hate being ambushed with a problem – and they especially hate it when a woman insists on discussing her concerns right then and there!
Men also use more direct language than women, so being polite just goes over his head. Want him to do something? Tell him exactly what you want!
And he values his independence above almost everything else. So he will keep his finances close to his chest. Start discussing money together before you marry to break that pattern.
Getting married
Men’s need for independence also means that a single man only really thinks about getting married at one point in his life – just a few years after he starts working. Much earlier and he’s not ready. Much later and he’s heading towards becoming a permanent bachelor.
So don’t assume that a guy’s thinking about marriage just because you are. You first have to get the timing right.
Men also have different needs in a relationship. They want to feel needed, while a woman wants to feel loved. So telling him, “I don’t need you!” in the heat of an argument is like a trigger that could start him off looking for someone new.
Living with a man is never going to be easy. But at least if you understand how he sees the world, you won’t have many surprises.
