Have you ever felt guilty for not being able to help a family member or friend in financial distress? Or worse, have you borrowed money just to support a relative facing an emergency?
That call or text saying “Bro/siz, pliz niokolee aki” is common and usually leaves many with a lot of guilt, even when they genuinely can’t help.
In Kenya and across Africa, black tax, the financial expectation placed on individuals to support their families, is deeply ingrained.
It is common for parents to demand financial support from their children simply because they funded their education. Siblings often expect financial bailouts, and in many cases, those with stable incomes find themselves responsible for school fees and daily expenses for their extended families.
Blacktax: I earn Sh 623k monthly yet deep in debt, please help me
Weight of black tax
Despite earning decent salaries, many professionals find themselves trapped in the black tax, struggling to meet their own needs. Their income often evaporates before they can secure financial stability. Unmarried professionals are particularly vulnerable, as society assumes they have fewer responsibilities, leading to even greater demands on their finances.
Bizna Kenya spoke to financial planning expert Jane Ndichu, who shed light on the emotional and financial toll of black tax and how to set boundaries without guilt.
Setting boundaries is the key
“Black tax is something many people struggle with. In an African setup, we’ve been raised to believe that helping those in need is a virtue, one that brings blessings, financial rewards, and more resources. However, I often ask my clients to reflect on this: if you give to someone in genuine need, but it comes at your expense, are you truly helping? Or are you pouring from an empty cup?” Ndichu started.
Kenya bans celebrities, influencers and content creators from advertising betting content
Jane emphasized that helping beyond one’s capacity leads to emotional and financial strain.
“If it’s at your expense, you are not obligated to help. It’s okay to say no, politely and respectfully. This communicates your current financial situation without damaging relationships. You can express that you wish you could help but are facing financial challenges yourself, whether due to a salary cut or struggling to live within your means,” she continued.
She added that while generosity is important, no matter how much you help someone, you cannot save them.
“Everyone must ultimately save themselves. Continuous financial support can foster dependence, leading some people to feel entitled. Over time, they may take your generosity for granted. Sometimes, the more you help, the more they hurt you, as they become accustomed to seeking assistance without considering its impact on you,” she noted
How to say no without guilt
To avoid financial strain, Ndichu recommended setting clear financial boundaries.
“When I say no, I do so to restructure my financial system, not just for myself but also to help others more sustainably in the future. When people are forced to figure out how to support themselves, it encourages them to think critically and take responsibility for their situation.”
Video: Why buying a brand-new car is being reckless
She suggests that professionals create fixed budgets for family support.
“For instance, if you earn a monthly salary, you might choose to allocate a set amount, such as Sh 1,000, within your budget. Everyone is aware that the economy is tough, and framing your response within that reality can help reinforce your boundaries.”
Ndichu insists that maintaining financial boundaries not only fosters respect but also strengthens relationships with those who depend on you. Excessive financial assistance can sometimes lead to disrespect, as people may take your help for granted.
“Being upfront about what you can afford—whether it’s Sh 1,000 per month or Sh 500 per week, creates clarity. If they ask again, politely decline while guiding them toward financial independence. Teach them budgeting skills and how to grow their own financial stability, even with the small amounts you provide.”
“No sacred cows at Equity”: CEO James Mwangi breaks silence on firing over 100 staff
Alternative ways to support family
Ndichu noted that reducing financial dependence doesn’t mean cutting off help altogether. Instead, she advised that professionals can still instill financial responsibility by encouraging their loved ones to budget, understand economic shifts, and manage money wisely.
“If black tax is weighing you down, consider helping in alternative ways, such as empowering people through financial education or assisting them in starting businesses. Once you’ve set up a business for someone, step back and let them manage it independently.”
Ndichu concluded by stating that saying NO to family members when they ask for money is not selfish, it’s necessary, and that setting financial boundaries ensures stability while encouraging independence among loved ones.
