Chris Hart: Chances are, he would already have told you if he doesn’t fancy marriage… you just need to hear it when it happens.

It happens all the time. You’re with a really great guy but if only he would commit… So how long do you wait? Or are you just wasting your time?

You might be, especially if he’s the wrong age. Too young, and the chances that he’ll marry you are pretty small. Too old, and he’s heading towards becoming a permanent bachelor.

Especially if he says he likes coming and going as he pleases and answering to no-one.

Sure, he enjoys your company, but if his priorities are his friends, his work, or his interests, then he’s not thinking of marriage any time soon. What other reasons might make a man reluctant to commit? Loads, I’m afraid!

LOVE ADDICTS

Maybe he’s thinking that he’ll be ready someday, and you’ll be the one.

But right now he’s enjoying the single life too much. Some men are addicted to falling in love. All the flirting and the chance to tell their story to fresh ears. But once that’s over they’re quickly bored—watch out for too many short relationships.

Or maybe he’s not got over an ex. Or maybe he wants to get married—but not to you. You’re an enjoyable part of his life but he knows you’re not the one.

And so, to put it bluntly, you’ll do until something better comes along.

Or maybe there’s two of you, and he hasn’t decided who to choose.

Or maybe he knows he doesn’t have to commit to you to keep you. He isn’t afraid of losing you, so why should he commit when he’s getting everything he wants already?

SAVING TIME

So how can you avoid wasting your time like this?  Start by listening to what your guy says—and believe him! Chances are he’s already told you everything you need to know but you didn’t hear.

And watch what he does. A guy who’s ready to commit will be there for you and is making plans for your future together. No sign of that? Then he wants to stay single.

If he doesn’t want to talk about the future, that’s another bad sign. If he insists it’s a timing issue, agree something reasonable—but keep living your own life! And if the time limit goes by? Move on.

Think about your own behaviour. Are you suffocating him? Or too dependent? Always criticising? Probably, you think of marriage as changing your life.

Your guy probably wants to change as little as he can. So let him know you aren’t taking over his life.

Don’t make him do too much for you or feel that you’re too costly.

Remember too, that no matter what they say, men are always insecure about their sexual desirability. Your man will be more likely to commit if he feels that you think he’s the most attractive man in the world.

And insist that he’s faithful, right from the start. In effect, you’re also giving him the reassurance that you’ll also be faithful to him.