Thirty-two-year-old Charity Atieno and Dennis have been good friends for two-and-a-half years now.
In that time, Charity has begun to see Dennis as more than just a friend. “I’ve come to love him. I want him to be my man,” she says. Nonetheless, Charity is afraid that she and Dennis may never date.
“He often speaks of how he cherishes our friendship and how he would never let anything jeopardise it.
This makes me wonder if I should let him know how I feel.” On one hand, such assurances on how strong their friendship is appear to be dulling Charity’s hopes of ever being more than just a friend to him.
On the other hand, she is convinced that they share a mutual bond. “There is no friendship that does not involve attraction.
If we had been good friends for such a long time, it was because we were genuinely attracted to each other.”
Nonetheless, though she has been toying with the idea of making the first move, Charity is intimidated by the thought of Dennis saying no.
“If he says no, I fear having to contend with the reality of rejection and the awkwardness that would characterise our friendship thereafter.”
Many other women are doubtless sailing the same boat as Charity.
Yet, with the right tone and approach, a woman can very well make the first move, leading to a blossoming relationship. But how do you do it? Here are a few steps that you can employ.
DO NOT FEAR
Granted, asking a man out can be very difficult. In any case, it is going against the grain to initiate a date, leave alone a relationship, with the risk of coming across as aggressive, masculine or desperate always present.
But according to Rhonda Findling, a psychotherapist and author of The Dating Cure, a man is likely to find it refreshing if you ask him out.
“Beyond that, it is empowering for the woman and puts her in a position of control in as far as her dating life goes,” she adds.
Know when to make the move: Bear in mind that you should not make a move on every guy you are attracted to.
PAY ATTENTION
If you want a serious relationship, pay keen attention to the man you’re interested in. There will always be pointers on whether your move will be reciprocated or unwelcome.
For instance, see if he references past conversations that you have had with details about your interests. Similarly, observe if he is consistent in how he interacts with you.
Does he return text messages? Does he call when he promised to? Is he reliable? These will help you determine whether he has an interest or not.
HINT, HINT!
If you’re too shy to make the move, give a clear green light. Most often, a man will hesitate to initiate a move if he feels that you’re not open to it.
Create room for date without coming across as too available. According to Kennedy Oduor, being flirty may cause him to recoil or give him the wrong impression.
“Be casual about it. For instance, you could casually ask him to check out a new bar or restaurant with you,” he says. “In such a case, he is most likely to end up on a dinner date with you.
Nonetheless, don’t be too vague about your intentions. According to eHarmony, instead of saying “Want to go out sometime?” you may consider saying, “Would you like to go with me on Friday night to that new restaurant downtown? And after dinner, we could catch the jazz concert at the Memorial Park!”
DON’T LOSE YOUR BALANCE
Don’t get too excited if he says yes. His agreeing to go out with you does not mean he is agreeing to start a relationship with you. A dinner date is not a direct ticket to a relationship.
In fact, a man may agree to a dinner date with you and end up saying no to a relationship. If he says no, keep in mind that his rejection may have nothing to do with you or your character.
According to psychologist Chris Hart, “a good man will not hurt you in the way he says no, if he decides to.” Spare yourself the unnecessary heartache, disappointment or embarrassment of pursuing your interest in him further.