Chris Hart: You built your whole life around someone you trusted, and then, just like that, they’re gone — leaving you with heartache and pain. Even if the relationship was bad, you’re feeling lost and alone.

Maybe you’re in denial, hoping they’ll change their mind. But usually there’s no going back. Perhaps you’re angry, or promising you’ll change and everything will be different. Probably you’re feeling depressed. But you will recover.

How long that takes depends on your past relationship, how long you’ve been together, and who decided to end things. But it could take two years, so don’t expect to be back on track in a day or two. Accept that you will have to go through some pain.

And don’t be tempted to numb it all with rebound sex, drink or drugs.

Instead, acknowledge what you’re feeling. Talk to your friends and family. Tell someone at work. Stick to a daily routine, but also develop some new habits that re-establish you as an individual.

Missing someone’s like a craving, so getting rid of potential triggers will also help stop you feeling miserable.

So make your home feel different from when your ex was around. Move the furniture. Buy different soap. Avoid their music. Pack photos away. Unfriend them on Facebook. Unfollow them on Twitter. Don’t text, even though firing angry messages feels so good.

Don’t drink and dial. Instead, make new friends who don’t know your ex. Learn a new skill. Fantasise about a new career, with a new partner. Exercise — it will improve your mood. Ditto listening to your favourite tunes.

Avoid places you used to go together. And simply be courteous if you do bump into one another. Say ‘Hi’ like you would to a friend, have a short, impersonal chat, and say goodbye.

Deciding to feel some kindness towards your ex will help you move on. And when you’re ready, forgive them. If you don’t, you’ll never stop thinking about them, thereby becoming more and more bitter.

But how can you forgive an ex? Start by putting yourself in their shoes. Try to understand why they did what they did. Maybe it’s not possible to find a definitive answer, but at the very least, try to come up with some ideas.

Figure out what went wrong without obsessing over whose fault it was. Focus on the things you should change in your next relationship. See a professional if that’s difficult — or if your grief is ruining your life.

Everyone’s different, but most people feel ready to start dating again after a few months. So don’t think that your ex is the only person you could ever love or be in a relationship with. There are plenty of people out there ready for a relationship with you and who will make you very happy.

And don’t be afraid to love again. Of course there’s a risk you’ll be hurt again, but it’s worth it. Give yourself time to heal, at your own pace, and then give your heart to the right person. And your life will start again.