From personal experience, you have to be VERY CAREFUL because these Kenyan hosts (relatives, friends and even new acquaintances) in USA can make or break you.
I will post my full story anonymously because my story is to help others and not to name and shame the person who did me in. People who know me will know exactly who it is.
My story is mine to tell and her story is hers to tell if she wants to. I hope she can try to encourage others to change by sharing her story of being a former user. In a nutshell, I was brought to USA by a friend who has become family.
She is a mzungu and when she brought me to their family in the states they had no idea how to help me work on changing my visa. They lived in a predominantly white neighborhood. They didn’t know any immigrants and so they had no clue.
We had Kenyan family friends all over the USA. Those days I was so young and naive. I shared my dilemma with anyone who had a listening ear. A childhood family friend invited me over to stay with her because she knew lawyers and friends who’d help me with my immigration needs.
Wueh! There is where character development started. That move was the most difficult time I’ve had in the USA and it also was where I grew and learned to work hard and to stand on my own two feet.
This girl must’ve been going through her own problems because she immediately got hostile. And threw me out (in the middle of winter). Luckily her roommate, another Kenyan girl I’d just met, is the one who helped me.
Fast forward a few years later, this childhood friend who had thrown me out needed help. She had been in and out of jail… was homeless for a short period of time and she was struggling. She reached out to me.
I prayed to God to give me peace and strength not to bring up the past. I helped her.
I had already forgiven her and forgotten her. You never forget the experience and pain you go through. But you can forgive and move on. That experience is part of what shapes you. But I really had forgotten her and erased her from my life. It’s when she called that she reminded me she existed.
I’ve been ‘deported’ twice from Dubai, Ethiopia while trying to travel to Canada
I prayed not to say a thing about the past. And I helped her several times after that first time she reached out. Each time without reminding her what she did to me BUT I was also smart enough not to invite her back into my space as a friend. I made a decision to never keep any kind of friendship with her.
If she reaches out I help and I move forward. I never check on her. I never follow up and I don’t reach out. When she does reach out, no matter what it is, I will respond. I will help if I can and I cut that story there and then. I don’t continue to communicate.
I told her I will always be a friend if she’s in need. But to me she will never be a friend again. I will not reach out to her.
I thank God for my family. They’re still friends with her. We’re still family friends. But I cut my ties with her that time. Anyway: here’s my advice — for those who have no money and need help starting out.
1). Reach out to a church, mosque or whatever religious organization you identify with. Ask them for help and come up with a plan and time frame that you give for this help you need. Promise to be an open door to someone in need when you’re settled and keep your word on that.
2). If you’re a single person maybe look for a live in nanny or nanny gig to start. Don’t be ashamed or afraid. I started my life in the USA by being a live in nanny and it helped me A LOT. It’s not as hard as being a nanny in Kenya. Because when you do a nanny gig here you have your duties laid out.
Take care of the kids, their food and maybe their laundry. Laundry all done by machine. Nothing else. The parents either cook for themselves ama eat before they come home. They have a cleaner for the house ama they do it themselves. So your work is just kids and their wellbeing and yours. And you have a place to stay… food to eat and an income.
3). This one is NOT for the faint hearted. Also almost impossible to find BUT I did it once for about 2 months so I know.
Find three jobs. A day job where I was a nanny for a child who took naps in the afternoon. So I napped that time as well. The next gig I was a “night nurse” for a newborn. The mother was a single mom who needed help at night when the baby wakes up and needs a bottle. She also needed me to sleep train her child. Both she and I were reading on how to do it.
And so it was trial and error but we finally got it down. While the baby was sleeping I would sleep too. Then I got a weekend live in nanny gig. Here is get in Saturday morning and leave Sunday afternoon. This family was great they let me stay Sundays as well if I wanted to.
I did that 3 jobs gig and no rent to pay for a little over two months and it was amazing. I was never tired and saved A LOT. This was as at the time I was getting my footing.
These days I sit back and thank God for every experience I went through. Because it grew me. It natured me and it made me the person I am today. Sometimes in my office I tell my colleagues the journey I’ve been through to come to where I am and they can’t believe it. God is wonderful.
Friday comes and I leave the office dancing. The real TGIF.
I really thank God and take advantage of my weekends. For the most part it’ll be a lazy weekend at home and that lazy weekend is still a luxury I couldn’t afford to have in the past.
Many times I’ll jet out straight from the office and return to work Monday with my suitcase. From the airport straight back to the office.
My colleagues think I’m nuts. But no one knows your true story. No one has been in your struggle to know how hard you worked. How many weekends you missed to rest or enjoy because you had to work.
That’s my short story. My advice is this “When you’re going through hell… keep going. Don’t stop. Coz then you’re just in hell. Keep going. Keep pushing. You’ll come through. “
And more importantly, don’t seek revenge and don’t hold a grudge. You only block your blessings and darken your soul holding bitterness. Leave it to God, the universe or whatever higher being you believe in.
Your job is to enjoy your journey and appreciate your success and ability to have gotten through the tough times.
