Chris Hart: How often have you heard this sad story: pretty girl meets handsome guy, romance blooms, only for her to discover, months later, that the rogue’s already married. All that wasted time…
And maybe this has happened to you several times? You keep falling for married men? Once is just bad luck. But fall for several and somehow you’re deliberately choosing them. OK, I know that married men shouldn’t be playing around, of course, but they do.
And maybe you just find married men more exciting than single guys? That wouldn’t be surprising, after all, they’ve been round the block a few times, and know how to treat a girl!
Or maybe you’re just not paying enough attention to the signs that say a guy’s married?
But what are they? Well, for a start, there’s his age! Single men almost always get married around two to three years after they finish their education. Once they feel established in their career. For school-leavers, that’s in their mid twenties. Late twenties for a guy with a first degree or diploma.
Those who take full time postgraduate programmes, just a little later. But all the guys who are ever going to get married are firmly spliced by their mid thirties.
So once a man’s past these critical dates, be suspicious about whether you’re alone in the relationship.
Confirm your suspicions by watching his behaviour. Like he keeps touching the base of his ring finger, as if something’s missing. Hard to reach on the phone? Maybe he’s with someone else. Resists you touching him in public? Maybe he’s afraid someone will spot you together. Reluctant to stay the night or weekends? Hmmm… Give his car the once-over. Look for signs of a spouse or children: clothing, make-up, toys, biscuits. And don’t trust someone who’s super careful with e-mails or text messages. He may be trying to avoid leaving a trail.
So, in future, watch for all the signs – and have the right attitude! Figure out his marital status before you get too close. And remember: a guy who’s divorced will be fine. But an older guy who’s still single will have become a confirmed bachelor. Full of bad habits, far too fond of his independence, and very hard to pin down. So you should be avoiding him too!
It helps if you only date guys who you already know a little about. Like someone you met through friends, family or work. Definitely avoid pick ups in bars. And be careful who you tease. Men often mistake friendly behaviour for a sexual come on. So, avoid sending ambiguous signals around married men.
What if he looks like a good bet? Then get to know him really well. And make sure he knows what you want – long before you get intimate. He gets harder to contact the moment you start talking about settling down? Be careful, or you could end up as a single mother.
