A distressed Kenyan has reached out for advice, saying that he fears for his future after his parents threatened to curse him.
He revealed that his mother was particularly unhappy with the financial support he was providing and frequently demanded more.
Now married with two children, he explained that his growing responsibilities have stretched his budget, making it difficult to send his parents as much money as he did when he was single.
“My parents threaten to curse me whenever I tell them I don’t have money to send them. How do I politely tell them that I am not sending them more money, or that I am broke without sounding insensitive or selfish?” he wrote.
Bizna Kenya sought insights from personal finance expert Margaret Njeri, who provided a practical approach to navigating the situation.
Understanding black tax
“This is actually what we call black tax,” Njeri started off.
Black tax, according to Investec, is the financial burden that many Africans carry in supporting an extended family.
“If your uncle, mother, brother, or sister asks for money at the end of every month, that is black tax. If not well managed, it can be emotionally and financially draining,” Njeri stated.
She adds that setting boundaries is key to avoiding guilt and financial strain.
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How to set financial boundaries
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Be honest but firm
“You need to set clear financial boundaries. Be honest about what you can afford and what you are willing to give. If necessary, set a fixed contribution—maybe 5 to 10% of your income—for family support. Once it’s exhausted, say no without guilt.” -
Stop giving cash handouts
“Instead of giving cash, you can buy food or help pay bills directly. This ensures that your support is targeted and reduces dependency.” -
Encourage financial independence
“Advise them to create other sources of income. Encourage savings in a Sacco or a Money Market Fund (MMF) with as little as KSh 500 per month. Even KSh 50 is a good start. Help them explore small business ideas or upskilling opportunities.” -
Learn to say no
“Parents and relatives may use emotional manipulation—threats, guilt-tripping to get money. But you need to stand firm. If you are struggling financially, say no. And remember, ‘No’ is a full sentence. You don’t have to over-explain.”
Secure your own financial future first
Njeri warns that failing to secure your own finances first will only lead to long-term struggles.
Now, how can you be able to secure your financial future first?
“Number one, you need to have an emergency fund. This emergency fund is something that you rely on during a rainy day. To cover your expenses for about three to six months.
And also number two, you need to have retirement savings. By doing this, by the way, you are avoiding relying on your kids in the near future. You will not be another person demanding for black tax from your kids.
Number three, you need to have an insurance cover. It can protect you and your family against any unforeseen expenses, like medical bills. For instance, if you become disabled, that means you won’t be earning or you won’t be working. If you have any critical illness, that means you won’t be working. If you lose your job, that means you won’t be working. So you need an insurance cover that can protect you from these unforeseen expenses. And actually, it can become your income replacement.
And the next step, if possible, involve other family members. Because you do not have to carry the full burden of giving monthly allowances to your parents alone. If you have siblings or even relatives, they can help. Either you propose a cost-sharing so that you reduce that burden. Because the burden will be lighter if well distributed.
Helping family is good, but not at the cost of your financial freedom be firm, plan ahead, and prioritize sustainable solutions over continuous handouts. Secure your future first before helping others—because you cannot pour from an empty cup.”
Disclaimer: The advice provided here applies to this specific case. Readers should seek professional financial advice for their unique situations.
