Across Kenya, the institution of marriage is under visible strain. Divorce filings are rising, single-parent households are increasing, and more young people openly admit they no longer see marriage as necessary or sustainable. The modern battle between men and women has become a daily public discussion, fought on social media timelines, podcasts, clubs, and living rooms. Humanity created smartphones and somehow turned them into permanent courtrooms for relationship complaints. Efficient misuse of technology.
For decades, African homes operated under a structured social order. Men were expected to lead, provide, protect, and carry responsibility. Women were expected to nurture, build the home, and support the family structure. Whether one agrees with traditional roles or not, there was at least a system that trained people into adulthood.
Today, that system is fading.
Scientifically, human beings are not born with complete behavioral discipline.
Biology gives men and women different hormonal tendencies. Men naturally lean toward ego, competition, and dominance, while women are often more emotionally responsive and relational. Both have to learn how to manage those traits because those traits alone do not create functioning homes. Human behavior is largely shaped through discipline, culture, correction, and intentional upbringing.
Many now complain about women behaving “manish” or men failing to act responsibly. But society must ask itself a difficult question: who trained them? In the past, boys were intentionally trained to become men, while girls were guided into womanhood and prepared for marriage and family life; these qualities were never automatic birthrights.
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A man opening a door for a woman is not natural masculinity; everyone has their own hands they can get the door, so it is learned behavior acquired through upbringing and discipline. Likewise, a woman learning how to care for her husband, manage a home, or accommodate another person is not purely biological. It is intentional training, patience, and social guidance, much of which is now disappearing.
This decline is visible in everyday arguments. Many modern women respond to traditional expectations by saying, “I cannot do that because I am educated am not my grandmother.” But while many grandparents lacked formal English education, they passed through stages of cultural preparation that shaped discipline, patience, responsibility, and family stability. Education improved economic opportunities. A white man acquired education and degrees alone cannot replace emotional maturity or relational understanding.
At the same time, many men today also avoid responsibility, leadership, sacrifice, and accountability. Both sexes now lack basic and deeper lessons about coexistence, accommodation, commitment, and family building. Everyone wants the benefits of stable homes, but fewer people are willing to be shaped for them.
Alcohol culture has worsened the problem for both men and women. In many urban clubs today, women are outnumbering men in bars. Excessive drinking has become normalized as entertainment and empowerment, yet alcohol continues to destroy judgment, finances, relationships, and long-term stability for both sexes. Society keeps marketing self-destruction as freedom, then acts surprised when homes collapse. An impressive business model, honestly.
This conversation should not become an attack on women or a defense of irresponsible men. The reality is that both sides are struggling. Even the Bible teaches that husbands and wives each carry responsibilities toward one another, so it’s natural at birth.
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Successful family structures require learning, sacrifice, discipline, and accommodation from both sides.
Without training, society produces adults who desire traditional partners while rejecting traditional responsibilities themselves. Many women still desire disciplined, responsible men but reject qualities associated with supportive womanhood. Many men demand respectful wives while failing to become respectable husbands.
Kenya must return to basics before an entire generation loses understanding of family structure altogether. Parents, schools, churches, and communities must once again teach discipline, emotional intelligence, respect, responsibility, and preparation for adulthood.
Civilizations rarely collapse overnight. Sometimes they slowly weaken because people stop teaching the next generation how to live together.
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About the Author
Mulumi Mwangi is a seasoned businessman with more than five decades of life experience, bringing a rare depth of perspective to both enterprise and writing. Trained as an electrical engineer, he has founded, built, and managed ventures across diverse sectors, including advertising, marketing, agribusiness, real estate, and fintech.
His writing is firmly grounded in lived experience. It draws from family life as a father, husband, brother, and uncle; from public life through his service as a political party official; and from the hard lessons of business, both failure and success. These experiences, combined with everyday social interactions, have shaped a reflective and pragmatic worldview.
Mulumi’s work is offered as a personal perspective rather than a prescription. His views are candid, experience-driven, and open to debate—acknowledging that insight is often refined through dialogue, reflection, and the humility to accept that one may be right or wrong.
Contact: [email protected]
