There is no doubt that a wedding comes with a tremendous expenditure of emotions. To a couple that is about to get married, this ceremony marks the beginning of a new life that has profound personal impact. In fact, the day the wedding occurs is celebrated with colourful anniversaries throughout many couples’ lifetime. Apart from the heavy emotions that come with a wedding, this ceremony also imposes a heavy financial burden on couples, families and even friends.
Grooms and bridegrooms go into debt to fund their dream weddings. Or even send out pre wedding and wedding invitation cards specifying the amount of cash in gifts they want. This shows that the type of wedding one chooses to have is critical to the welfare of their marriage, their mental wellbeing, and their social relations.
Granted, there are people who feel that wedding fundraisers and committees are an unnecessary expenditure. There are also others who will bring the sky down just to have a flashy and extravagant wedding. How do you figure out what will work best for you? Let us explore:
Behind the high cost
When considering the amount of money you should put into your wedding, it will be important to be honest with yourself on why a wedding should be expensive or cheap. Should it be expensive because it only happens once?
Do you want it expensive because none of your friends has had a cheap wedding? Dr. Neel Burton, the author of For Better for Worse says that the high cost of modern weddings is attributable to social conformity, egalitarianism and social pressure.
“We have couples playing prince and princess at very exorbitant costs just to fit in with flashy trends, show off, or stay relevant in their social circles and social media streams,” he says. This is echoed by Brenda Berger, the author of Money Talks. “The expensive pomp and ceremony provides assistance to the couple’s ego at what they assume to be a vulnerable moment. It acts as a ceremonial granting of permission for them to feel powerful and influential,” she says.
Big versus expensive
Big and costly do not always go hand in hand. Dr. Burton says that you can have a big wedding at reasonable costs, and without bulging into other people’s pockets. This is echoed by personal finance coach Edward Okumu. He says that tough economic times and personal finance awareness have made people more conscious of their money, how they spend it, and on what they spend it on. “This then requires you to think big but in a financially moderate manner. Be innovative, don’t follow the trend, and literally scratch the parts your fingers can reach,” he says.
Rich wife – Poor husband: Can this marriage ever work in Kenya?
Dr. Burton suggests that instead of expensive accessories and budgets, you can focus on inviting people to come and witness, have fun with you, without making financial demands on them. “A large attendance in a wedding is positively linked to the duration of the marriage regardless of how low the wedding cost or despite the couple failing to have extras such as honeymoons,” he says.
Diamonds aren’t forever
An extravagant wedding will not always guarantee you a long lasting marriage. For example, a study dubbed ‘A Diamond is Forever: the relationship between wedding expenses and marriage duration’ conducted by Dr. Andrew Francis found out that men generally associate high priced wedding accessories such as wedding rings with shorter marriages.
On the opposite extreme, divorced women link their failed marriages to the effects of high spending on the wedding. “How long a marriage lasts is inversely associated with spending on the wedding ceremony and on the wedding accessories,” the study reports.
The Attorney General’s wedding
This Attorney General’s wedding is one of the most affordable ways that you can formalize your marriage without going the spendthrift way. The charges currently stand at Sh3,900. This includes a marriage notice which costs Sh600 and a cost of Sh3,300 which is paid prior to the ceremony and after the notice for marriage has expired. The civil wedding notice takes 21 days to expire.
Once it has been served, you can be united in a civil ceremony that takes place between 9am and 3pm every weekday. You will be required to come with two witnesses during your brief ceremony at the AG’s chambers. Also, only a maximum of 15 guests can attend your ceremony.
Your takeaway: dream weddings vs reality
Whether you ultimately choose to go the formal wedding or Attorney General’s wedding civil way, you will do well to create a preference for substance over flash. “Ultimately, there is nothing sinful about having a beautiful wedding, but the most important area of focus must be on permanence and the covenant for which you are uniting,” says Dr. Wendy Patrick, an attorney and the author of Red Flags.
At the same time, remember that you are just starting a new life together. This translates into more bills, needs and wants. The last thing you want is to start this new life together with new debts.
