My uncensored advice to all jobless Kenyans

Here’s the painful truth on the state of joblessness in Kenya.

The original author of the following hard-hitting piece of advice is unknown:

“Fellow jobless brothers and sisters, I acknowledge the fact that just like other human beings, you survived for nine months in your mothers’ wombs” Always remember that there is no tree that grows money in Ksh or US$ notes. Before I proffer you with some powerful survival tactics of life, this is what you need to do; first recognize the worthlessness of your certificate.

Always don’t forget that Kenya has some of the most selfish humans on earth. Here, people don’t care about their neighbours. It is only here in Kenya where those who pose as leaders and policy makers are only buying time – the time to consolidate their position as MCA, MP, governor, Senator, president or even director. These individuals are after the perks of office; easy money, estacode, free lunch, free security, free oversees treatment and most importantly, an opportunity to be worshiped like a god. Our politicians don’t think about the next generation; they think about the next election.

Beloved job seekers get one thing clear on joblessness in Kenya: the politicians and civil servants are busily stealing that they have no time to think of a solution to the unemployment scourge. The same song they were singing in 1963 is still the same song I hear these days. It will not change.

When it comes to joblessness in Kenya, this is my advice for job seekers, if you see a public service advert in the media inviting you to submit an application, be sure not to submit any unless a godmother or a godfather tells you to apply. Always remember that before civil service jobs are made public through adverts, the vacancies are already filled with the candidates of senators, governors, permanent secretaries, CEOs, Cabinet secretaries and Members of Parliament.

Always acknowledge that advertisements are merely to appease the civil service rule. In case a supposed employer asks you to enclose a cheque or pay Ksh 200 as an interview fee in the course of submitting an application, be sure that you are being duped. Naturally, no sincere employer asks money from an applicant. In fact, he is supposed to pay for your transportation as an applicant to and from the venue of an interview and also offer tea and lunch. Another thing, before you rush to pen an application, always study how the advert has been crafted. Find out if the candidacy is restricted to a few or open to all. If it is an all-comer affair, just ignore it.

Sincerely, our colonial masters were damn clever and knew what they were up to. They understood that political independence without economical independence means nothing at all. Therefore, they pushed our forefathers to study English, sociology, accounting, philosophy and law in universities. Indeed, they encouraged them to read education causes so as to pass the same nonsense “knowledge” to the next generation which would in turn pass it to the next. The rest is history.

Of course, I understand that every Kenyan would jump at any job opportunity from the government agencies like banks, airports, counties or even ports. It is the duty of the average job seeker to understand that jobs in such “lucrative” agencies are reserved for the insignificant few with fathers and mothers in high places. Fellow job seekers, it is paramount to construe that we all can’t fit there.

However, fellow comrades in poverty, I advise you, not to envy those lucky holier-than-though beings. Remember they are not there based on what they have to offer, they are been imposed there so they can suck honey without working. Let us not be lazy like them.

Joblessness in Kenya: What To Do

Since government jobs are as hard-to-get as an American Visa, the only course open to today’s scholar is to start a business of one’s own. I know the major handicap for those who may choose to follow my advice is Lack of CAPITAL. Gather money the same way you gathered your school fees and set some small business. It could be chicken, rice, fish, pepper, yam or onion farming.

If you have difficulties in engaging physical labour, sell your talent to a private person or company that needs it. Note that you don’t need to write a long proposal to gain recognition so long as you are sure of yourself. If you have a skill, just try and identify those who need it. The internet is a global village and a huge market place.

If you like trading, understudy experienced traders or attend a short term apprenticeship with them. Many traders succeed by cheating and lying. If you are an individual with character you may not be comfortable with that. But you can engage in the distributorship of goods and services. The main obstacle here may be lack of good transportation system. Nevertheless, you can as well brave the odds. Travel 800km on dangerous roads every two weeks or three. With as little as Ksh30k, you can bring in goods from other East African countries like Uganda. Kenya is a consumer nation; they will buy anything.”

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