Thursday, March 28, 2024

Mafioso: Why Today’s Youth Is Garbage

When I was just a boy many, many moons ago, boys were taught to be tough. Real toughness, not that garbage type of toughness you think you get by driving an SUV on rough terrain.

No. When I use the word “tough,” I mean tough enough to get the crap kicked out of you and still be able to go to work the next day. Tough enough to go without food for three days and still be able to wrestle a freaking alligator if you had to. Tough enough to walk 10 miles in the freezing Illinois outback to bury a guy with your bare hands.

Now? Now young people think being tough is going a couple of hours without cable.

So what went wrong?

A lot went wrong. Somewhere, somehow, parents in the last two decades have bred weaklings, wimps and complainers. What future do we have when the “youts” of today have all the ambition of a sewer worker and the mental toughness of a finocchio interior designer?

Think I’m exaggerating? Think again, you stronzo. Sure, there are exceptions, and many of my young readers likely fall into that category, but one thing is inescapable: we’ve got the biggest bunch of spoiled brats that the human civilization has ever produced in North America. Let me make my case:

Problem No. 1

They’re mentally weak

I already talked about today’s youth being weak and lacking physical toughness. When I was young (along with many from my generation), I didn’t need crutches, a hug from my father or to have every goddamn, meaningless accomplishment praised by someone in order to feel good about myself.

Today’s youth will not hesitate to bitch and complain about how tough they have it. They lose a girlfriend; they turn into wet mops suited to clean prison toilets. They lose a job; they look for the nearest bridge. Someone insults them; they need counseling to get over the “emotional baggage.” Don’t you hate that? So do I. If any cafone ever says any crap like this in front of me, I will not hesitate for one second to break his legs. Not one.

Problem No. 2

They blame the older generation

Another dumb trait of today’s young punks is their inability to take any responsibility for anything. They are never responsible for any of their mistakes, and the “older generation” is to blame for every crack whore, lost suit button and hurricane in the world.

And if you are a bum because you’re lazy and useless and can’t find a job, it’s the baby boomers’ fault. Right? If you know anyone like this, give them a message from me: “Get the hell out of this country before I really render you useless.”

All this crap about the generations of the ’60s, ’70s and ’80s destroying America’s future is the biggest load of crap I’ve heard since John Gotti told a state court he was merely a plumber. Every generation lives in its moment. So what if people 20 years ago used big cars, wasted water like they had Niagara Falls in their backyard or dumped toxic waste next to where the ducks play with the fishes? We did it, and it was done. It’s history. Get over it. And now they’re doing things that people will surely bitch and complain about in another 20 years.

If you have to blame society for your own ineptitude (big word of the day), then you don’t deserve to breathe the same air I do. Lose yourself in the desert. Blame no one but yourself for whatever life you’ve chosen for yourself.

Problem No. 3

They have no motivation and ambition

Today’s youth doesn’t want to change the world. They don’t want to start a revolution or make the world a better place. They just want to listen to music only jackhammers would enjoy, break things and see how long they can ride on their parents’ backs (or more appropriately wallets). With the exception of a select few, today’s generation is content to just have a job, a place to live, a Honda Accord, and plenty of money to buy macaroni and cheese. They have no drive. Unless you force them to do something, they don’t do anything. And the worst part? They don’t seem to care — they have the motivation of a donkey.

Nobody wants to get their fingernails dirty. No one wants the unglamorous job. There are unemployment lines from that stretch from Miami to San Francisco, yet job openings in restaurants, farms, factories, and fishing boats go unfilled because no one wants to break a sweat on the job. Today’s kids just want to prance around in their Dolce & Gabbana outfits and smoke cigarettes with Monica Bellucci look-alikes.

Problem No. 4

They’re a “Me & Now” generation

Today’s youth is all about me, me and me. How does this and that affect me and me alone?

They say to themselves: “I don’t give a damn about what you think or how what I want affects you, I care only about myself.”

“I’m a selfish prick and I don’t care.”

What’s next? Are kids going to tell their parents not to take vacations when they retire because they’re wasting away their future inheritance?

Another problem? They’re all about right here, right now. They have no patience. It’s instant this and instant that. They don’t have any discipline; they can’t even stick to a diet for more than two days. After all, that’s too much work and time, why not just pop some pills or have daddy pay for some surgery to remove the fat and lard?

In my crew, the young Turks think they can became made men without earning their bones. They think that decades of tradition are going to be thrown out the window because they don’t have the patience to earn their way into a Famiglia. “Butchering” jobs are a time-honored traditional ritual of making a name for yourself, earning respect and moving your way up in our Organization. But today’s younger associates, they can’t be bothered to get their Gucci sweatpants dirty, let alone some blood in their hair.

Problem No. 5

They’re a society of victims

You get the impression that every single baby born after 1980 seems to be a victim of something. My espresso machine doesn’t work; I’m a victim. My mother gave me too much food as a kid and made me fat; I’m a victim. My schoolteachers didn’t support me when I was a clown in school; I’m a victim. Just shut the f*ck up.

The only thing that today’s youth are victims of is their own stupidity. Yeah, yeah, it isn’t everybody, but it’s a lot of people.

When I was growing up, you were laughed out of your neighborhood if you ever called yourself a victim. If you fell down because someone didn’t shovel his driveway, you got up and walked it off. Nowadays people call some rat injury lawyer schmuck before their asses hit the ground.

Problem No. 6

They have no respect for authority

One of the keys to my organization and any other legitimate business is respect for the hierarchy within a business. You don’t talk back to people who sit on top of the volcano (mob term). The boss is the boss and you are not, so go back to your cubicle and shut up. Today’s youth thinks that because they have some website called I’m-a-freaking-stronzo.com that everyone wants to hear their opinion. They talk back, they talk out of line and they talk more useless nonsense than my Aunt Maria.

Elders and people in positions of authority deserve respect. Today’s youth seem to think that respect is not picking their nose when someone is talking to them.

Problem No. 7

They’re welfare recipients

I hate taxes. My readers know this. But I can’t escape paying some taxes, and as much as I hate it, I realize that someone has to pay for the roads and the nice parks where my mistresses and I “play.” What I hate though, is how our welfare system works. We pay people to do nothing and be lazy. That’s what welfare is. People get money and don’t have to do anything to earn it. Many “youts” are discovering this little loophole in our great little country. I’ve always said that anyone on welfare should do some type of work during the week or risk not getting anything. Go clean dog crap off the floor, clean the vomit from public toilets. Do something to contribute to the world. Let the youth of America know there is no easy way out of life’s tough blows. But never give money away for free — it’s unearned and undeserved.

Problem No. 8

They have no etiquette

Not only do youths today have no respect for anyone, they have no etiquette either. They dress like bums, eat like bums and can’t possibly begin to appreciate the finer things in life. They don’t know the difference between Chianti and Cabernet, and the thought of wearing a suit is as foreign as Egypt. Maybe I’m old, but even as a 4 year old I would take off my hat when I sat at the dinner table. If I wasn’t too good to do it, why should anyone be any different?

Problem No. 9

They like crappy music

A little more Sinatra and a little less Bloated Daddy, or whatever his name is, will go a long way. Have you heard any of the music young people listen to? You’d think Sodom and Gomorrah were still in full swing. No one is inspired by the crap they listen to; it’s repulsing. It makes me sick. I need to open a bottle of scotch every time I accidentally hit the wrong dial on my radio and listen to that garbage. A little more Tony Bennett and a little less Toni Cool J MC.

solutions

So now that I’ve made my case, I’ll offer a few solutions for any young parents who still have a chance to save their children, because unlike today’s youth, I’m not a useless, selfish bum:

1- Be strict, be evenhanded, but never bend. Your rules are non-negotiable; make no exception with your kids and they will learn discipline. Never show weakness in front of them.

2- Make them suffer. Deny them things. Don’t give them a single thing without them working for it, even a crappy $1,000 car. Make them earn the food you give them and the clothes on their backs.

3- Smack them around once in a while. I never forgot a good smacking. You don’t need a belt, but a good slap across the face once in a while lets them know who’s boss.

4- Drive them through the crappiest neighborhood you know. Let them hang out with bums and people on welfare when they are young, to traumatize them into never becoming like them.

It’s scary where our children are headed, but with some good old-fashioned discipline, patience, motivation, and ambition, they can be saved. All right, that’s enough for today.

Watch your backs and keep your noses clean.

 

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