According to Hezbon Ongoro, a financial advisor and C.E.O of Goldcoins Wealth Management, spouses need to be on the same page regarding financial goals.

Whether saving for a down payment on a house, planning a dream vacation, or simply trying to build a rainy-day fund, working towards these goals together can help strengthen your bond and set you up for long-term success.

However, when one partner prioritizes personal appearance over saving towards these goals, it can create tension and conflict in the relationship. Here’s how to navigate this situation with empathy, clear communication, and a willingness to compromise.

Understand Your Partner’s Perspective

Before you can work towards a solution, it’s essential to understand your partner’s perspective. For many people, personal appearance is a major priority. Whether it’s getting regular haircuts, buying new clothes, or investing in tattoos or piercings, these choices can be deeply connected to a person’s sense of identity and self-expression.

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Your partner may view these expenses as a necessary part of their self-care routine and may not fully understand why you’re so focused on saving towards a goal.

Take the time to listen to your partner’s perspective without judgment or criticism. Ask them why personal appearance is important to them, and try to understand how it fits into their values and priorities. This can help you find common ground and identify areas where you can compromise.

Set Clear Boundaries and Expectations

Once you’ve had an open and honest conversation about your financial goals, it’s important to set clear boundaries and expectations around spending. This means agreeing on a budget and sticking to it.

Make it clear that while personal appearance is important, it cannot come at the expense of your shared financial goals.

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One way to do this is to create a joint account specifically for your shared expenses and goals. This can help you track your progress towards your savings goals and ensure that you both contribute equally.

You can also set up automatic transfers from your individual accounts to the joint account so that saving towards your goals becomes a habit.

Find a Compromise

If your partner is resistant to the idea of cutting back on personal appearance expenses, it’s important to find a compromise that works for both of you.

This might mean setting aside a certain amount each month for personal appearance expenses and committing to saving a certain amount towards your shared goals.

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For example, you might agree to set aside Ksh 10,000 monthly for personal appearance expenses while also committing to saving Ksh 10,000 towards a down payment on a house.

This way, your partner is free to spend money on personal appearance, but it’s within the confines of a budget you’ve agreed on together.

It’s also important to be willing to compromise on the timeline for reaching your goals. If your partner hesitates to cut back on personal appearance expenses, saving towards your shared goals might take longer. Be willing to adjust your timeline and goals as needed, as long as you’re both committed to working towards them.

Prioritize Communication

Good communication is vital to any successful relationship, especially regarding finances. Make sure you regularly check in with your partner to see how they feel about your progress towards your goals and be willing to adjust your approach as needed.

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For example, if you notice your partner consistently overspending on personal appearance expenses, it might be time to revisit your budget and adjust your expectations.

Similarly, if you’re struggling to stay motivated towards your savings goals, it might be helpful to revisit why these goals are important to you and find ways to celebrate your progress along the way.

Seek Outside Help if Needed

If you’re still struggling to find a compromise that works for both of you, seeking outside help from a financial advisor or therapist might be helpful.

A financial advisor can help you create a customized savings plan that takes into account both of your goals and priorities, while a therapist can help you work through any underlying issues that may be contributing to the conflict.

Ultimately, the key to dealing with a partner who prioritizes personal appearance over saving towards a goal is approaching the situation with compassion, understanding, and a commitment to working towards a shared future.

Remember that a strong relationship is built on trust, respect, and a shared vision for the future, and by working together towards your goals, you can create the life you both want and deserve.