Chris Hart: Ask most single guys these days and they’ll say that the key to a great love life is lots of casual relationships.
They couldn’t be more wrong! Friends with benefits may have more partners over their lifetime. But traditional couples have far better sex. And more of it.
But it’s not all a bed of roses. Couples still have to work at getting things right. And the most contentious issue? Who takes the initiative! It’s almost always the guy. Not that she’s never in the mood, but women worry about being rejected, and think it’s not feminine to start things.
But most would like to and will if you create an environment where she feels it’s safe to let go.
That starts long before anyone get’s naked. A little subtle teasing over breakfast, to plant the idea in her mind. A few sexy texts during the day, and by the time you get home she’ll be in the mood.
Help her to relax as the evening starts. Make a little small talk nothing contentious over a cup of tea and you’re half way there.
APPRECIATE HER
After that, you need to train her. Seriously! Any time she begins to take the lead, in even the smallest way, be sure to respond positively. Then she’ll do it again. Initially she’ll be nervous, so avoid even the slightest hint of criticism. And make intimacy a priority, because it will be a lot easier for her to take the lead if lovemaking’s already a regular part of your lives.
She wants to feel good in bed, and if she does, she’ll want more. So if you haven’t figured out what she likes yet, find out! Just ask her — but not when you’re between the sheets. That way, she won’t feel pressured.
There are a few other things you can do — like reworking your wardrobe. That’s because wearing the right clothes shows how much you value her. She’ll notice shoes first, so buff them up. Nice dark jeans that fit just right. And a shirt that speaks restrained elegance.
Take her out more — to places where couples go. Watching other happy couples together emphasises the joy of being in a relationship. Seeing other people value your opinions and respond to your stories will make her appreciate you more. Look her in the eye when she speaks, and laugh at her jokes. She’ll feel more valued. And you’ll both feel more passionate.
In the office, you’d help a colleague who had too much work, wouldn’t you? Do the same at home. Take over a few tasks, like helping with the kids’ homework. Create a positive atmosphere about everything around the house. Compliment the little things she does for you.
Enthusiastically support her projects. Remember above all that being desired is the ultimate love potion. So make sure she knows how much you adore her — and want her — and she’ll soon be a truly passionate lover.