Those who are closest to you are always the ones who inflict the most damage, because you never expect your weakness to be used against you by someone you trust.
Buona sera, boys. Let’s get right to today’s lesson.
Every year around this time, I go to Florida for a little family time. I’m forced to spend a little time with the ball and chain, but I don’t mind it so much anymore because the wife, after trying miserably for years, can finally make a tiramisu that doesn’t make me wish I was sleeping with the fishes.
Though good alimentazione always puts a little smile on my face, it’s the time by myself in the senior citizen hell that Florida has now become, which gives me the most satisfaction during my family vacation.
It allows me to reflect on the year that was, and the year that is going to be. Unfortunately for me, I made several mistakes during the year that was. Some involved wearing a Brioni suit to a “meeting” that I knew would involve some bloodshed, and others involved showing my true emotions when I shouldn’t have.
Showing weakness is a mistake
Maybe I’ve gotten cocky, maybe I’m getting complacent (yeah, the big words are back), but by showing my cards during several sit-downs last year, I showed weaknesses I have never exposed before. Don’t get me wrong here, I didn’t act like a cafone, but I wasn’t Joe Cool either. I broke a sweat when I shouldn’t have.
And that got me thinking about the importance of never showing your weaknesses, and how important it is to never, ever expose them to anyone, not even someone close to you. (And if you are one of those bastardos who think showing your weak side to a woman will get you into her pants, well, all I can say to you is good luck.)
A man’s standing in his universe is a reflection of his actions, reputation, demeanor, and respectability. Each facet of his standing takes years to build, through the promises he has made and kept and the discretion he has used with the information he has been privy to.
It just takes one little crack
Yet a man’s standing can be destroyed in seconds when his strength of character comes into question. It doesn’t take much for someone to destroy you; it only takes the right misstep. All great dons, warriors, generals, and businessmen in history had one trait in common: They successfully and repeatedly exploited the weaknesses of their enemies.
What’s worse is that anyone can use your weaknesses against you, not just your enemies. Your colleagues, business associates, friends, girlfriends, mistresses, and even family may know some small facet of your life that they can use against you when the time is right. And those who are closest to you are always the ones who inflict the most damage, because you never expect your weakness to be used against you by someone you trust.
Think that can’t happen to you? Think again. Nothing in life lasts forever, including a good relationship. Somewhere, somehow, goods things go bad, and more often than not, they can go from bad to worse.
If you are a man of responsibility and leadership, then that responsibility should on no account be doubted. Don’t put yourself in a situation that shows that you are not in control because it will cause those who trust you to lose faith in your abilities as a man of responsibility.
Your influence and reputation can also quickly diminish if those who live in your universe assume you are weak. They don’t even have to know why, they just need to know that your reputation is no longer as strong as it once was, and before you know it, they will no longer respect your word. These are the long-term effects of being a consistent stronzo in public.
When do you show weakness?
So how can you tell when you are revealing yourself, like Aunt Carmine stripping an onion? Unless you walk around with a camera filming your every move, you can’t. What you can do is be aware of which situations cause you to show weakness.
Fear is the No. 1 way to reveal your Achilles’ heel. Everyone has fear, even a man with a death wish, but few are able to camouflage it. When you show fear, you show that you are unable to anticipate the outcome of something or deal with the situation’s consequences in a controlled fashion. Your enemy will feel like a kid in a candy store. Show fear in front of anyone, and it is game over for your respectability.
Anger is another great way to reveal a weakness to your enemy. Everyone who is out to get you will try getting you where it hurts. Showing anger in a particular situation, especially if unwarranted, will reveal your game and expose what makes you tick and what makes you go boom. This doesn’t mean that you should never show anger in public, just that it should be a subdued discontentment, not a tyrannical rage (get a dictionary you buffoons if you can’t keep up with Mr. Dictionary over here).
Emotion should be eliminated. No matter how tough a situation gets, no matter how much you feel a stabbing pain in your heart, never let your enemy know how you feel. That is what I loved about Mustache Petes; the old-time Mafiosi never showed what they were thinking even when their fingers were being axed.
Remember, your enemy is anyone that is not on your side. Being indifferent emotionally means no one can know what you are thinking. Being emotional means opening a can of worms. It means there is a possibility that something you are actually feeling gets exposed, or worse, you can say something so stupid that even the rats lose respect for you.
Addiction, whether it’s a love of gambling, narcotics, prostitution, or any other vice, can be a weakness used against you. Revealing your affection for habits deemed “unlawful” will bring you nothing but nightmares. You have a bad habit? Deal with it, and keep your mouth shut. You got yourself in the mess, get yourself out. Informing anyone of your little deed just increases the amount of knives in circulation that can be firmly planted in your back.
How to avoid showing weaknesses
Every man has weaknesses. No one is infallible, no one is indestructible, but if someone is going to destroy you, your reputation or your business, let them earn it. Don’t give them the keys to the Porsche. Here are 5 things you can do to avoid showing weakness.
1- Never show your emotions in front of your enemies. This includes anger, jealously and pain. Keep them guessing about what you are thinking, and you’ll always have the upper hand. It’s like holding a royal flush.
2- Be stable. One of the ways a man can be seen as weak without actually revealing any of his weaknesses is by being unstable. A man who is respected can be counted on for reliability and consistency. When expectations are placed upon you, you should deliver on those expectations and fulfill the code of honor. No more, no less. Anything that isn’t consistent is considered out of whack. Anything out of whack is considered weak. So stay in control, act if you have to, but never let a situation get over your head.
3- Be aware of your surroundings. Remain cautious at all times. Don’t get lazy with your actions or words just because you feel you are in the company of those who are close to you. Ration your words; unless you have to say something, keep your mouth shut. More often than not, it’s your trap that reveals the weakling that you are.
4- If a situation is going to be “scary,” think about it beforehand. If you anticipate the situation and its consequences, you are no longer facing an unknown. Often, it is the unknown that brings you fear. That is why men who know they are going to die are at peace, but boys who see scare tactics flashed in front of them wet their pants. If you know what to expect in every situation you face and anticipate how to get out of any sticky situation, you won’t be scared. No fear means no weakness revealed.
5- Never show confusion in public. We’ve all been in situations where we feel like we’ve landed in a Star Trek convention, with gibberish being thrown at us like an uppercut. Don’t let the other guy know it, especially if he is a “client.” Defer to others if you can’t figure something out. When you deal with someone, never let them know that they are smarter than you, or know more about what is going on than you.
If a guy is explaining something you don’t quite understand, don’t make a face like Beethoven’s 7th is coming out of your a**; nod, make a mental note, and ask a knowledgeable paisan that you trust. Nowadays, your head is the strongest weapon you have. Your weapon has to be respected, and in these ever-changing times, even the smartest Mafioso can get overwhelmed (I admit it) and need to fake his understanding.
only amateurs show weakness
Look at me, I went on and on like I was a latter-day Dante. And to say what? To say that no one will respect you if they think you are weak. As long as they think it, it doesn’t matter whether it’s true or not. Worse, your weakness can and will be used against you when the time is right.
So keep your weaknesses nicely hidden in your own personal Fort Knox by being consistent in your actions, protecting your carefully crafted reputation, being cautious all the time (even when you are sleeping, keep one eye open), keeping your mouth shut, and never, ever showing how you truly feel in public.
